e-ternal.

Wednesday, November 20

 
hold tight yo.

so, i got my students credit card in the mail. whohoo. not that i will spend it anyways. my max is so small. haha. but just for emergencies. and plus, now that i do have one, i can buy things online and whatnot. sweet deals. caitlin, i have your yearbook in my locker, all signed and ready for you. my locker number is 5106 or F106, well it ends with 105 and the digits are 19-01-37, well something like that, but it works. haha.

"it's kinda like he's a jerk somewhat. i mean we've gone through all of this before, but still he's so jerkish and stubborn and maybe lazy that he just won't do anything about it. i'm not hurt or mad or anything, more like, what the hell? why is he willing to cause trouble all over again. sometimes, i think he is so self-absorbed...i mean, i have feelings too. he knows that for sure, but it's like he doesn't care, well he does, but not ENOUGH. that's it. not enough at all. he's letting himself be the asshole. and i don't know why. i know he's going through a "rough" time, but still..."

i don't know why relationships have to be so complicated. i know the concept of a relationship between my best friend and my best guy friend sounds so appealing...haha, i am forwarning all of you, DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT let such a thing happen to YOU. it's pure evil i tell you. you'd think i would be happy, but it has only caused great problems, hurt, fighting, anything you name it. i mean, i just want to call him up and start his very much deserved bitching, but i'm holding back, and why? because if i completely blow things between us, and he stays with naomi, as in stays and gets engaged later in life and gets married thing, then i am SO screwed. well they don't have to get married, but even if they just stayed together. i have to maintain a somewhat civil relationship with him...it doesn't mean i have to be his best friend, just a friend on decent terms.

but i don't understand him...no one does. and its going to take a miracle for anyone to. like i said before, he's letting himself be the asshole, fully knowing we're upset about it, fully knowing he is doing it all on purpose. i know he does value our relationships, a lot, but not enough, some friend he is...guys are so gay, no matter what, if they're your brother, boyfriend, guyfriend. whatever. they all suck. boo.

ahhhhh, i just want to vent...

lina, you're right, this happens over and over and over again, it's like some very vicious cycle. me and mike. and each and every single time, although it does take some time, i cave in. but...he's sooo smooth with words. he could make marilyn manson cry with sentiment. but lina, i'm going to change...and right now, i'm not running to him, trying to figure out what's wrong, or what i might have done wrong, or why he's so upset. i'm going to stop babying him. yeah, so what if he makes me feel soooo good. it's all so gay when he's like this... if he wants to do something about it, then i'll let him, not like i am waiting either, cause i'm not. and when he comes crawling back like always, that's it. (well unless he smooth talks really well, but i actually think this is it...) and i know you don't believe me lina, cause this happens all the time. but its different cause this time i'm not waiting to forgive him, or wanting things to get better. i actually don't give a fuck. so, when he does come crawling back, i don't care if its tomorrow or in two years. i'll be like, you put me through all that, and you expect me to forgive you? i'm usually a forgiving person, but this is what? the millionth time it's happened. the damage is done, and it's really hard to reverse it.

i'm not hurt, cause i've gone through that already. i think actually this time i don't care. and i needed to sort through my feelings to find out how i did feel. so, right now, i feel great. he's going to red deer, makes my life a whole lot easier. and when he eventually does come to edmonton...have fun. =P

ciao all you folks. and lina you were right, about us falling apart, but you're going to be wrong when i don't forgive him....you wait.
elaine 11:38 PM

Monday, November 18

 
what i think...

i think this blogging thing is brilliant. well at least for the three of us. we can finally keep "in touch" with the other two considering we never see each other at school, and now that i don't work with lina anymore, this is going to be even better. grrreat stuff i tell you!

i'm finally done my religion essay, although towards the last two pages, it became pointless dribble. i have no idea what i am talking about and i think i pretty much said one point in two pages. its the magic of bs-ing. but see, here's where it hurts. my teacher is brilliant and will for sure be able to pick up my BS. great stuff. haha.

now i am off to the bus to go to school to hand in my essay and then to hop right back on a bus and go home. i am wearing right now, my very old but comfy hoodie. and black sweats. i have glasses on, and i never wear my glasses in public.
oh and i need a stapler, i don't have one at home. i wonder if the library has one i can use. most likely i am guessing. well hoping.

good luck ms. cho on your english essay.
good luck ms. davis on your history essay.
good luck ms. han on your english essay.

yes i know, i am a geek.
peeeace outZ!
elaine 6:49 PM

Sunday, November 17

 
Drooling 101 - Part 2

orlando bloom.
now this is pure style.
enjoy.
elaine 6:54 PM

 
call me stupid.

it is about four in the afternoon on Sunday. I sit here with only three books, of which all three aren't really great sources at all. I need to have a minimum of five sources. i have three, so i am already screwed there. and those three books are all i could get. my essay is due tomorrow by 9:30pm. it has to be between 8-10 pages, eight being the minimum.

have i started?
nope.
how much is this worth?
15%
how stupid am i?
very stupid.

conclusion: i am going to cry.
elaine 3:23 PM