e-ternal.

Saturday, November 9

 
c is for cupcake...

was that boy not hot or what? ohhh you should have seen this one that was swimming today. ohhh my goodness. he was so gorgeous. *faint* hahaha

tonight is a bar night again. haha. when is it NOT a bar night? well i have three choices tonight. . . nashvilles, the joint or urban lounge. urban lounge is where corey is going, and i've been kinda flirting with his friend curtis a lot lately too. hmmm. or i could make tyler go to nashvilles. he's always good for a fun flirting session. i need something to take my mind off dylan. bah. i was so angry today. so much rage. goodness. i wanted to slap him. whyyyy do i like him again? can anyone answer this question for me!!!!!? ahh.
Anonymous 6:36 PM

Thursday, November 7

 
i love my jeans.

I've realized no one will read this, well except Caitlin...but hey, i am so enjoying a place where i can vent, release, scream, etc. and do it all in pink, sounds great to me. although not a lot of venting, or screaming has happened. but you wait...this is elaine we are talking about here.

I have a disease...it is called the "elaine does NOT want to do any schoolwork especially her four essays she has due all for next week" disease. I have decided that no matter what, no matter what the time or state i am in, i WILL, more or less HAVE TO start on my candide essay...and not only start, but actually have a good chunk down...an outline will do, but the chunk sounds even better. (here i am wasting my time talking about how i have to start my essay...maybe i should just DO IT.) blah. I can't wait til the 18th. then i will be done. but then i will have to start studying for finals...then i will be done. and three weeks of GLORIOUS holidays will come. yaaaaaaay.

I don't understand Mike, and i know this for sure - i never will. It seems like he is so involved with himself, as in how he feels...that i think it's somewhat destroying him. i think he should just let go and loosen up a little...haha, and he called me uptight. everything seems like it's the end of the world to him. he just needs to look on the brighter side of things, as cliche as that sounds, he does. be thankful for the goodness that he does have, and not dwell so much on the "bad" things...this coming from a very smart, talented, athletic guy, of whom everyone loves, has a loving family, a big house, his own car, a girlfriend...although that aspect isn't looking too well...i mean THINK of ALL the other less unfortunate people out there. the ones who for real aren't loved, who were deserted, who don' t have that house over their head, or who never went out with an awesome girl, or who just wasn't athletic and never made sports teams on school.....ahhhhhhhhhh. think of them! i think i think way too much about the way mike thinks. it's just that it drives me insane sometimes. i know many, many times in the past i have said life sucks, or that things are downright horrible, etc. and anyone could easily say i am a hypocrite, but hey, at least i have realized the truth now. i have a million things to be happy about, a million things i can be happy about that some others don't have the opportunity to. there is no need to get upset over trivial things, to let such small things get to me and ruin my whole day. i am stronger than that....

I just wish mike somewhat agrees or sees the light too...but knowing him, and us and the whole "situation" i am thinking he is going to be offended and get defensive...i think sometimes, many times i let out what i am thinking too quickly...
elaine 10:24 PM

 
my ignorance...

Last night as I slept I saw my life slip away.
Then You were next to me.
I couldn't see Your face but I knew that it was You.
Giving me a second chance.
I'll never really understand why I cannot comprehend Your love and grace.
Why do I take pride in what I can't control.
How can I claim what isn't really mine?
What's the point of my ignorance?
The music that I see.
The colors in the air.
The breath in my lungs tonight.
Why do I fight with You sometimes?
So today I walk down this road again.
I understand now, some of what You said.
Sometimes I lack the strength I need.
But You come through, every time I fail,
You're there to pick me up, when I need it most.
When I've fallen hard You're there no questions asked.
You lift me up when I am down.
Please open my eyes.
Please help me understand.
---slick shoes


elaine 6:20 PM

Wednesday, November 6

 
c is for... cake?

no sense at all. how can they say that we are the more complicated ones? HA.

phil is doing good. i can tell when he gets tired. he stops trying. poor boy. oh diana had her NEW boyfriend over today. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.....

it's not fair. i am not the migraine girl. and now apparently i can get them.

ASJDGHSDJKHG!!!!

grrr. but as i said.... YEEHAW rodeo tomorrow... oh and we STILL have to go to wild west saloon pretty soon.
Anonymous 7:29 PM

 
e is for everything.

You're right Caitlin. Boys just don't make any sense. (well i don't think you said those words exactly, but i am pretty sure you agree) I just don't understand Mike. Why doesn't he get EVERYTHING over with? It's either you do, or you don't. Not the whole back-and-forth thing that he is so skillful at doing. Why does he have to mess with her and his emotions. I can't believe that the root to all of this is basically ME. Why i thought that they would be good together is beyond me. Maybe i was just being a good friend and wanted her to be happy and with someone...two and a half years later...here we are. L.A. was so simple. Everything was perfect. and i mean EVERYTHING. The one day of complete perfectness was July 4...why can't we have more of those days? I don't think I have been so sick and tired of two people together ever in my life. ew. not cool at all.
I've come to realize that the triangle we have created is just that - a triangle. No matter what the three of us are connected. The results of the relationship between two will definitely affect the other relationships. ie. When naomi and mike are through, it'll be real hard for mike and me to stay strong too...isn't that sad?

tOby is causing rUckas. uh-oh....

i hope you don't send that headache this way caitieD. oh and how is Phil doing? =)
elaine 3:02 PM

 
headache update:

i am apparently overdoing things. ha. overdoing things. . .

coaching swimming, tutoring, full time student, 20+ hours at work, social life

there could be more. really. there could.

ha.
Anonymous 1:13 PM

 
i'm not elaine.

okay now that we have gotten that straight i still have a headache. i am NOT the one who usually get's headaches. it usually IS laineylaine. then why do i have one? i never have one? and why am i sleeping all the time? and why does my head hurt STILL??????????? since last thursday. its not fair. i'm going to the doctor.
Anonymous 11:28 AM

Tuesday, November 5

 
I wish i was smarter - a whole lot smarter. Photographic memory can also do. Cause, if i was smarter, i wouldn't be stressing about anything and i wouldn't have to go to any of my classes and be able to sleep forever. FOREVER! in my comfy bed of which i dearly love. no one or thing can even begin to compare to how much contempt my bed brings me. I should be in bed right now!! But no, instead i have once again, as usual left all my studying til now....wait, but i'm not even studying....but BLOGGING. WHAT THE hell? i just don't understand.
So, my dog is going more and more insane every day. He has this thing with the phone. Whenever it rings, he goes crazie and starts attacking anything in near view, usually the one who is answering the phone, which would be ME! So, now everyone understands why when i answer the phone i have a difficult time in talking for the first two minutes, because i am being mauled by my beloved dog. Dearest TOby, when the phone rings do you treat me as if i am the devil? See, this bizarre behavior of his has been getting worse and i am fearful for my life....help me.
wait, maybe no one should just call my house.
elaine 10:57 PM